I have a confession.
I am not keen on trying new things all the time. Fear of failure and looking stupid are my biggest fears. I was recently listening to Brene Brown and in her wisdom uses this acronym:
FFT - ‘fear of first time’ or if you choose ‘fu*king first time’ (I tend to use the later)
I think for all of us being new at something is incredibly vulnerable, even when we’re excited and committed. The awkward uncomfortable time comes right after the excitement and it feels shitty and is the definition emotional exposure.
In spite of this, sometimes when I am teaching I hear myself say:
‘You will suck at these methods when you try them the first time, but keep on going, it will get easier and you will get better’
When you are teacher you get to say these things.
I think the more willing to embrace the suck and try new things the more new things we are willing to try and it’s not because being new gets comfortable. It’s because we learn how to normalise discomfort. We also have extremely high expectations of ourselves during the FFT. We have to be perfect from the very start and this sets us up for such shame when this doesn’t happen. For us in adult years this feeling only becomes stronger as if the expectation of development seems to somehow vanish.
So what do you do?
Here is a strategy inspired from Brene herself:
Start by naming the FFT when you in it.
What is going on right now?
Why do I feel out of control?
What do I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing?
Why am I no shame spiral?
Why am I so confused?
By naming something humans create meaning and we do this by giving feelings a name.
This name giving allows us to take 3 additional steps:
1. Normalising By giving it a name we can then normalise things. We realise this is exactly how I knew was supposed to feel, this is uncomfortable because being brave is uncomfortable .
2. Perspective. This feeling is not permanent and it doesn’t mean I suck at everything. It means I’m in the middle of an FFT around this one thing. You are not your FFT.
3. Reality Check. This is going to be uncomfortable for awhile. I’m not going to succeed with this right away. You will get better at this if you allow yourself to get better.
From an organisational perspective we need to provide a supportive environment to experience these FFT’s. We need to develop an environment that allows people to admit they are having a FFT and the empathy lets people that this is ok. The thing is, if you want to learn, innovate and change, you will have to get used the FFTs and push thought it. So use this time of the #covid19 and try lots of new stuff. You will suck at much of it, but if you normalise this 'suck’ you end up being a better person and organisation.