My wife and I met on a blind date.
We met in front of the Concert House in Stockholm in the winter while light snow fell.
We hit it off immediately, and our conversation wandered naturally.
We had dinner at a restaurant where August Strindberg once lived. We felt famous and talked about books, music we liked (she liked jazz, and I knew this would be special), and travel. It was exciting, and we spent the next few months together, letting the relationship develop.
As spring arrived, we met often, each time discussing where our life together might lead—the feelings, experiences, and dreams we hoped for.
A year later, we were married and entered real life with routines, obligations and evening dinners to prepare.
Since then, early spring has been “our time.” We recently revisited these memories together over the kitchen table. At this moment, we re-experienced the essence that brought us together.
Sometimes, you need to go back to the beginning, to the energy that started your relationship. As time passes and the relationship changes, we must move from who we were when we met to who we want to be now.
We realised we could strengthen our relationship by consciously focusing on how we want to be together.
I often see this same thing play out in many teams I work with.
They have been working together for a while, but things are stale. They are bogged down in the busyness of their day-to-day work and never lift their heads. They often become stuck and lack energy.
They need to think back and revisit the energy they brought to the team.
Like my wife and I revisit "our time," I ask the teams I work with to do the same.
Essence questions:
What attracted you to working with this team?
How did you know this was the right decision?
What were your dreams about working with this team?
What fears did you have?
What has changed since these moments in the past?
What is happening in the team now?
How is this different from how things used to be?
A new relationship story to be crafted.
What is possible for the team now?
This process can lead to conversations about how the relationship can evolve and what’s possible. It allows space to honour or grieve the old dynamics while shaping a new story for the relationship or team.
Complex systems are constantly in flux; hold them lightly and don’t be afraid to update your relationship’s story.