When I talk to coaching clients the conversations typically starts around all things they are doing and the results they want to achieve. Achievements, plans, accomplishments are all part of what they will be ‘doing’. We are taught at an early age that our worth is based on our output. We also see this in social media - the hustle, grind
Other aspects of how we show up and ‘being’ are often neglected. This often leaves people feeling disconnected and desperate for meaning and belonging.
When I work with people to define goals I ask this question:
‘What do you want and how will you know you have achieved this?’
In the response to the question, I consider two aspects - who are you ‘being’ when you achieve these results - how are you showing up and what personal characteristics are you demonstrating. This ‘being’ can often involve some sort of clarity or personal transformation that needs to occur. Alongside that is what are you ‘doing’ as a part of reaching these results. The latter is the easy part for most.
Being: who are you being in the achievement of these results.
Doing: what are you doing in the pursuit of these results.
Very often there is a misalignment around the ‘being’ and ‘doing’. When our personal values are not in alignment with the things we want to achieve this can cause frustration.
As a coach, there is an opportunity to act as a mirror and reflect on what we see the client ‘doing’ and ‘being’ which they sometimes can’t always see themselves. This insight can be powerful in truly understanding our present relationship to your goals.
Personal transformation can take place in reaching most of our goals it is just a matter of making this your focus.